Missing My Eddie

How do you begin to explain the emptiness and loneliness that comes with losing someone you love? It’s only been a few days since Ed earned his wings and I’m wandering around aimlessly, trying to figure out what to do.

Each morning we shared coffee and talked about what was on the agenda for the day. It usually included eating breakfast at our favorite restaurant and then off to some appointment. We tried getting out a little each day and enjoyed no matter what it was we did. When we were out, his famous line was “we have to get home for Days.” That meant watching Days of our Lives. He loved it and hated it, but we watched it together. He spent endless hours watching Fox News and loved playing his games on the computer. I even got him started playing a brain exercise game that I couldn’t believe he enjoyed. Watching him gradually lose some physical abilities was very hard, but he fought to keep a lot of it from me. We started exercise classes at Silver Sneakers in hopes it would help build up his strength, but no matter how hard he tried, it didn’t.

Tim, Kim and I could see him struggling, but until his diagnosis of LBD, we really couldn’t figure out what was happening. We now realize he was suffering in his own body and probably much longer than anyone knew, even him.

Tim has been here, every day, helping by creating a spreadsheet to remember all the things that need to be done, and doing so many of them himself. He keeps me company and hugs me when I’m crying. Kim makes sure I’m eating the proper food and I know she’s always there if I need her. She’s giving Tim and I space to collect our thoughts and be with each other.

To everyone who has sent their love, hugs, support and sympathies, please know each one has touched me in a very special way.

I miss him, and will forever miss him.